Ready to ‘Gitmo’ done?

Well, Barack H. Obama (I think the “H.” stands for Harold or something) has officially been sworn into the office of the United States Presidency, resulting in an overwhelming cry of anguish and disdain from every conservative talk show host across the land. I guess they are now beginning to realize that they do not have the influence over politics like they tell their listeners they do everyday. Yep, saying it everyday doesn’t make it true.

But enough about all those crybabies. We’re focusing on the new administration today and the change, wait … better make that CHANGE, which we are being promised by the new fellow with the perky ears and the “What, me worry?” grin. So, what CHANGE is there to talk about today?

Well, let’s see. The prison facility at Guantanamo Bay will be shut down, meaning that our enemies will no longer receive better healthcare than my family and I do. I guess that is a big enough CHANGE for us to discuss. (On second thought, it’s not really much of a discussion. You pretty much just sit there and read this every time so the so-called discussion is pretty one-sided, isn’t it?)

With Guantanamo Bay’s doors closing, or Gitmo as it is so lovingly known among the crybabies, one is left to wonder just where all of these terrorists, or assumed terrorists, are going to go? What are they going to do? So, to help out Barry with this problem, I have come up with a few ideas. He hasn’t called me (yet) and asked me to help him out in any way, but I figure it is just a matter of time. After all, he’s been a little busy with all the balls being held in his honor lately, but not in the same vein as Republican Senator Larry Craig having balls held. (Now there's a mental image you were not expecting to have today!)

But when Barry does call, here is what I’ll give him as a few suggestions to solve the loosed terrorist problem:

One: Treat them like the lepers in the Biblical days and have them walk around ringing a little bell. But instead of saying “Unclean! Unclean!” as they ding-ding their bell, they can say “Terrorist! Terrorist! Death to America!” and everyone can stay a good distance away from them. This way, when they blow themselves up, they will only kill themselves and we can all watch and shake our heads. Or applaud. Either reaction would be deemed acceptable.

Two: Put them to work building bombs. I know what you’re thinking. “Greg,” you are saying to yourself while waiting for some online gambling Web site to load on another browser, “we can’t let them build bombs. Have you gone completely insane?” To which I reply no. At least not completely. Think about it. They love to build bombs, right? They are going to do it anyway, right? Right! So, we can use them to build bombs and then we can drop them on their country of origin. Talk about irony.

Three: Let them run for positions in Congress so their threats will never be taken seriously again. (I know, I know. I’ve used this before in another column, but it never gets old!)

So, don’t fret about Gitmo’s going out of business sale. Any of these three suggestions, or a combination of all three depending on severity, will more than solve the terrorist problem for Barry and we can all put our efforts into more important things.

Like getting that mental image of Larry Craig out of your head for instance. I suggest a sharp stick.