Surviving the season

Just look at all the sales papers and you’ll have no choice but to realize that it is time to get filled with the Christmas spirit and start maxing out your credit cards. That’s right, it’s the most wonderful time of the year for retailers, as we all practically break our necks to play Santa Claus for our kids, our friends, and our families. And then they in turn show their appreciation by returning everything on Dec. 26.

The holiday shopping season is enough to drive anyone crazy, so my philosophy is this: If you have to shop, at least make it fun. So, in order to do that, I came up with a few Christmas shopping games several years ago and today I will share them with you.

~ Parking the Sleigh ~

Parking the Sleigh is a game that you can play in the parking lot of any crowded shopping mall or department store to help spread the Christmas cheer.

Step One: Circle around the lot until you can find a parking space nearest to the door of whatever store in which you are going to throw away massive amounts of money that day.

Step Two: Pull into the space and sit there for five minutes until a new line of traffic forms.

Step Three: Back up.

Step Four: Pull back into the space, get out of your vehicle, and tell all the jolly people in line “Sorry folks! I was just straightening up!”

Points are scored by how many people cuss you out. Highest amount of points wins.

~ Santa Surprise ~

Santa Surprise is a game that you need a young child (from ages two to four) in order to play. If you have kids of your own this should be no problem. If you do not, borrow one from a family member or from your next-door neighbor.

Step One: Stand in the line with child to see Santa.

Step Two: When you get to the front of the line, whisper in child’s ear that this isn’t the real Santa and that he eats little kids.

Step Three: Place child on Santa’s lap and go to the back of the line.

Points are scored by how many seconds it takes for the child to run screaming to where you are. Lowest amount of points wins.

~ Rom-pom-pom-pom Redo ~

Rom-pom-pom-pom Redo is a game that can be played in any dining establishment or coffee shop that is pumping that wonderfully, irritating holiday music into their establishment through the speakers that almost always are mounted in the ceiling tiles.

Step One: Sit at a table close to an overhead speaker for two hours.

Step Two: Count how many renditions of “The Little Drummer Boy” are played. (Seriously, is it a requirement of every musical artist to record that song?)

Points are scored by the number of renditions that you suffer through in that two-hour period. Highest number of points wins.

~ The Gift Grab ~

The Gift Grab is a game that is best played if you go to early bird sales on Black Friday. This is the most physical of the games, so athleticism is a strong point for high scores.

Step One: Enter the department store of your choice with a massive crowd as soon as the doors are opened.

Step Two: Find the toy aisle with the most advertised toy of the season that every child in America just has to have.

Step Three: Stand in the middle of the aisle, waiting until there is just one left on the shelf and then lunge for it, fighting people off in an attempt to grab the last one available.

Points are scored by how many seconds it takes for security to arrive and pull everyone apart from the dog pile. Points are scored by the longer it takes them to enforce order. Highest number of points wins. You can even score 15 bonus points if you actually come up with the toy when all is said and done.

These are just a few games to get you started. And you will probably think of more on your own to help you pass the time while spreading peace on Earth and good will to men.

Well, just as long as you don’t get shot or killed playing the first or last game I’ve mentioned here.